I have been a smoker for the past fourteen years. I remember the day when I was offered a cigarette by a friend over a cup of tea in a Hyderabad restaurant. It was the end of a tiring day and my first puff seemed divine. It was relaxing, liberating and provided me with a release from a stressful and challenging work environment.
I was working as a journalist in TV9 in Hyderabad. It is an open secret that journalists are overworked, especially those in electronic media. And having attained seniority in the digital marketing team, I was expected to give more than one hundred per cent. This meant that I had to be sharp, quick and achieve targets on time. This added to my stress levels. I also realised why journalists are often seen guzzling alcohol at the press club. And why many of them die prematurely.
As smoking became a daily habit, many of my friends and colleagues ( who were shocked because I hardly seemed the kind who would go astray) tried to talk me into giving it up. They counselled me about the health risks associated with the deadly habit, but to no avail. I did my level best to kick the habit but would be back to square one each time. I badly wanted to quit too because, in addition to the health risks, I was beginning to face stigma from friends and family alike. I recall one of my colleagues saying ”Yeh Kanishka tho phaltu go gaya”, which in English means ”Kanishka has turned out to be a good for nothing oaf”. Such comments dented my self-esteem and confidence but did nothing to help me quit. Besides, I was not doing well professionally and was using cigarettes to vent my frustration. I was caught in a vicious cycle.
As the years rolled on, my name became synonymous with smoking, especially at work. If someone referred to me, they would say ”Oh yes, I know Kanishka. He’s the one who smokes like a chimney, right?” I was but a mere shadow of my former self, both physically and emotionally. I knew deep down that it was important to quit, but hadn’t the faintest idea of how to go about it.
As I have mentioned before, my professional life was not going well either. Fortunately, problems on the work front sorted themselves out in a little while. But I remained a smoker. I think the main reason I was not able to quit smoking, even though I was doing well at work, was the stress. Long working hours coupled with the pressure to perform made me turn to smoking for release.
I made a major career move in 2018. I bid goodbye to my TV9 job and shifted to Bangalore to work at the Rangoli Metro Art Center. I then managed to cut down my smoking to five cigarettes a day. On a visit to Hyderabad once, (in Nov 2019 I think ), I met my former colleague, the one who had made the ”Phaltu” comment. He asked me if I still smoked, to which I replied yes and added that kicking the habit seemed like a daunting task. He advised me to keep trying and not give up.
A few days into the lockdown, cigarettes were in short supply. On the advice of my mother, I began breaking whatever cigarettes I had left into two and smoking just one half, instead of the usual full cigarette, every time. I then realised that if I could bring down my smoking to three cigarettes a day, then quitting for good should not be difficult. And lo and behold, as I write this, it has been eight days since I smoked! And I am also able to resist the temptation whenever I see a shop that is open and selling cigarettes.
I am now able to smell and taste things better. I am able to meet people confidently without worrying about smelling bad. My appetite is back to normal and I am sleeping well. I haven’t felt so good in a long while. Yes, there is always a risk of a relapse once the lockdown ends, but I am confident that with a bit of will power I will stay on course.
I think more than the actual work-related stress, it is the maladaptive ways of dealing with the stress that is a cause for concern. Habits like smoking and drinking are easy, albeit dangerous, ways of coping. And once you get used to unwinding over a drink or a smoke, it becomes difficult to break out of the cycle.
I am glad that I have finally managed to quit smoking and am back on the track to good health. If anyone of you have similar issues, please remember that quitting smoking, alcohol or drugs is possible. It is certainly not easy, but with professional and family support, the battle can be won.
Kanishka Uncensored 